Irrational Thoughts happen, but the reasoning behind them can be a surprise….
Our family recently celebrated our Son’s Second Birthday. We had such a great time with friends and family, all squished into our tiny little place. I spent time deciding on a theme, thinking of decorations, and what the menu will entail. BUT….we do not, by any means, go to the extreme for party planning. No big Toddler Birthday Extravaganza. We value the presence of our family and friends to be there in sharing the celebration with us. Our nieces and nephews played like crazy, the clouds and sprinkle of rain outside didn’t dampen their spirits at all. The party ended with the gift opening. The nieces and nephews had a great time opening the gifts they brought to help out the birthday boy, as he just fell asleep after eating his birthday cake! In the end, it was a Great Day.
As the after-party clean up was during nap time, it was quick and painless. We had the house back to normal, the new toys on display for the Birthday Boy when he arose from his nap and my husband went out for a few items at the store. I had some time to wind down from the crazy week we just had and planned on a little nap myself. *….I will always take a nap if the opportunity arises….* The last items left for me to put away were the photo albums. I set the albums out for the party and although I don’t think anyone looked at them, I did recently update them (at the last-minute the week of the party). Not passing up the opportunity to stroll down memory lane, I sat down and opened the first album.
I opened to find his newborn pictures, the brand-new-still-in-the-hosptial pictures. This time viewing my sweet baby was different. I was filled with a longing instead of sweet nostalgia. The tears in my eyes were not the “I love him So Much” tears but somehow more sad. That little boy just waking up in his room is now Two. Where did all the time go?! And I was left wondering what the longing feeling meant at another time, as I heard “Mommy?” from the hallway.
The next day I found myself one step away from making a life changing decision and paused long enough to evaluate why I have become so irrational?!
Those who know me personally know I have suffered through my life with allergies and asthma. Severe at some points more than others and ranging from dust to mold, cats to trees, although lucky enough no food allergies (or Basset Hounds either). With my entire family looking at me like I was crazy, I told them I wanted to bring a Kitten Home!! Apart from this ADORABLE creature making the bizarre longing feeling go away for a brief moment, my son holding the kitten pushed me past the point of reason. I wanted this kitten So Bad!
I know I am allergic, and some people do live with pets with that affliction, but I oversaw the fact that my son could also have the same issues. I skipped over this important, vital fact, and began thinking of how we would train it, where it would be safe in the house while I was away, how my Handsome Hound would react and so on. I was ready to take on this new challenge, to take this life into our family and expand it my four more furry paws. It wasn’t until I was talking with my upfront-honest brother-in-law, that I discovered the truth.
“Just have a kid, it’s a way better option.”
Hmmm…could this be Baby Fever?
I knew I wanted a big family, and being a Momma is lifelong goal of mine. When we found out we were having our first child, it was a surprise! I never got “Baby Fever”. We also never experienced the long stressful process some go through just Trying to conceive.
When people ask “So, when are you having the next one?”, I usually have an excuse ready to go. The main point I use is I’m not ready to share time with my little man. I like the companionship I developed with my One child and the thought of splitting my attention seems impossible. Now that he is older, he may want to share his Momma time with another. That dynamic change in our family may take a while, but if he is part of the planning process, I would hope his transition will be less rocky than my own.
Now I can categorize this strange feeling of longing and hopefully understand when it’s influencing my decisions. Looking back at the kitten that I almost brought home, and as cute as she is, it will live a better life with someone who won’t sneeze in its face daily.
After some self exploration, I do want to have another child. I know I am ready and my little man would be a great big brother! Now…..how to tell my husband…. 🙂
As Always, Wine Pairs Wonderfully with Motherhood, and as I sit and ponder expanding our family, I am enjoying a glass of Table Red Wine, an easy Red that really does go with Everything….right now it may be Doritos 🙂